These Are My Confessions

This one is for my lovely friend Lisa Williams Anderson. She manages an inspiring blog, Amarillo y Crema, that has everything beautiful and perfect that I want in my closet or home. It's been far too long since I have seen her because our lives keep taking us to all these different places, but she still is one of the nearest and dearest.

She sent me a little chain to say 7 random things about myself. Last time I did one of these I said 20 facts about myself... that I had actually stolen from characters of my favorite TV shows/movies (the Office, Arrested Development, 30 Rock, and Forrest Gump) but this time I'll keep it honest. I will be honest about 7 lies that I have told... how does that sound???

1.) Over the summer I made some friends while I lived short term at an apartment. When they came over they saw my roommate's paraphernalia from Palestine (she had done a study abroad in Israel) and they inquired who in the apartment was from Palestine. I volunteered myself and said that I was 1/2 Palestinian. Fortunately I was taking an Arab-Israeli-Palestinian conflict class at the time so I sounded pretty well informed. He bought it Hook. Line. And Sinker. I'm still the girl from Palestine.

2.) I once told someone that I spent a significant amount of my high school years in the Provo detention center. She also believes me still...

3.) Someone was asking me the other day if I was here in Provo for school. I laughed and said no, but that I spend my summers as a river raft guide and rock climbing instructor. Then, I save up my money so that in the winter I can travel. I think that was just me trying to project my fantasy life onto my real self.

4.) After moving out here, on my first day AT CHURCH, we were supposed to say something interesting about ourselves. I really hate that game so I decided just to make something up of course. I told everyone that I play the banjo. Fortunately they haven't asked me to prove it yet. It's not entirely a lie... I have strummed one before... same thing.

5.) As I child growing up in the 80s/90s.. it was still the generation where people spanked their kids as a regular form of behavioral conditioning. I also was the youngest child so if someone didn't want to take the blame for something (and you never really do, right?) they usually pinned it on me. It's like the old Native American story of the two boys, one who walks the muddy, steep road and one who walks down the flat, dry road. I believe it has made me stronger. But anyways... there came a point were an opportunity arose to place some revenge into action. It came about when I had found a packet of gum under my sister DJ's (I'll just blend my two sister's initial together for the purposes of identity protection) bed (don't ask what I was doing under her bed, okay...). So... thinking no one would miss it seeing as it was just there collecting dust... I gripped my little hand around the 5 piece spearmint package (you know know the ones that I mean?)  and I ran off with my prize. For the next day I enjoyed each of those 5 pieces... so much fun. THEN, things turned serious. Come to find my sister did detect that her gum had gone missing (who'da thought...?). She had even gone as far as reporting the theft to my parents! I'll remind you... it's that tiny package of gum... the one that says 15 (I just realized that the keyboard has a dollar sign, but not a cents sign.. what's that about?) cents on the side. Anyhow, my parents insisted that someone confess to stealing the gum. Fat chance. The power struggle escalated until we four Beasley children, including my sister DJ, found ourselves in a line-up, oldest to smallest, being interrogated by my Papi. Even though everyone knew I was  culpable, my dear father set the stakes: unless the villain came forward, all parties involved would receive a spanking. ALL parties... that includes DJ. I'm sure my dad thought that my heart wouldn't let me go through with it, that I would be some sort of of colored martyr for my siblings. Not so. That day all Beasley kids got a spanking... and I got revenge. Yeah, I felt sort of lowly afterwards.  Sorry about that... that became a long a winded story. That portrays me pretty poorly. I swear I'll never steal your gum and I'll never lie to get you in trouble. But if it's innocent and funny, I make no promises.

6.) As a joke, when I was in third grade I wrapped myself around the inside lining of the tire swing (yeah...  snuggled in there like a snake). My teacher was on yard-duty so I had my friend run and tell her that I was stuck in there real good, no chance of getting out. When Mrs. J came over and saw only my head popping out of the tire swing... the lady was a little panicked. She promised me she would get me out and she raced off to get help. As she made it across the yard, I slithered out of the swing and ran after her yelling, "Wait! It's just a joke!"... I felt kind of bad about that one, too. You can see that I've been up to these shenanigans for awhile.

7.) Lastly... I'm running out, which is a good sign, right? Uh, ok, so I grew up watching the Labyrinth. Think of it as a weekly ritual. So needless to say, David Bowie was a big part of my influential years. Once, my aunt asked me if I had a crush on the Bowster (i.e. apple of my eye). Aaaand, I told her "no". That was about as untrue as they come folks. I definitely had eyes for David Bowie... and while were at it... I carried a picture of Will Smith around in my pocket when I was five. I found it in a magazine... didn't let it go.

So... you get it, right?